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About Me Official Beta Tester Photo Manipulator Filmchild23/United States Recent Activity Deviant for 3 Years
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Meaning of Light

Journal Entry: Mon Dec 14, 2009, 8:11 PM
It’s the Christmas season and I haven’t felt very festive lately. For some reason it I can’t muster it up. It’s like a fake smile, you do it but it’s not real. I don’t even have the energy to pretend.

I used to be so enthusiastic about this time of year, about any holiday that involved family. Now I have the urge to just crawl away and hide till it’s over. It doesn’t feel like “the most wonderful time of the year.”

I have been the chief decorator for some time now (when my mother discovered I wouldn’t blow up the house). So last year I saved up from every paycheck to buy us a new one and I was so proud I could give it to my mother. That was a good day. So maybe it’s because I’ve been sick recently, or maybe it’s a sincere amount of self-pity, but I can’t seem to muster the enthusiasm to put it up.

This will be the first Christmas without my dog, without my best friend. I know I need a life when I consider a dog to be my closest (non human) companion. I also know I need a life when I look on my iTunes and realize I’ve played one song 468 times. Probably more as I listen to it now.

I guess I don’t feel like Christmas, don’t feel the magic or the warmth, and my mother and I have been trying to survive ourselves, I can’t even give back, as everyone should this time of year. I was taught Christmas was for the time for open hearts and peace, the time to give and never ask for anything in return. Now it’s all about presents and how much you can spend…. Christmas used to be a divine holiday, what ever happened to it?

My father’s family is Jewish, and Hanukkah has already begun, if not already ended. The Menorah/Chanukkah have the most beautiful symbolism. It stands as the light of the nation but also as a tribute to the lamp oil lasting eight days in a time of darkness.
One candle, the “servant candle” or shammash is the candle in the middle, which is used to light the others each night.

I’m shunned in the Jewish religion being a “shiksa” well, technically it's a derogatory term that refers to a non-Jewish woman paired with a Jewish man, but I’m there along those lines. I’m a half-breed, which is unclean. It makes me feel a little like an outcast but I’ve never stopped loving the heritage even if it didn’t love me back.

I guess there is something to be said, something to be gained as so many holidays this time of year are all about optimism. It’s all about a peaceful time to look up with hope and to dream about the New Year ahead and all its possibilities.

I want to feel that hope, the warmth, and fling it out to the four corners to everyone I know, and even those I don’t. The season is more, it makes people more then they allow themselves to be. So even though I won’t get anything that comes in paper or in a box, I want peace this year.

So being a Catholic I think I’ll light a candle this season. Drop my coins to the charity box and watch the little light that represents so much…more.

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My Cell Phone Art [link]
  • Mood: Thanks
  • Listening to: Bottleshock
  • Drinking: pepsi

Devious Info

  • Current Residence: A small town in Maryland
  • Interests: Filmmaking/Theatre (my major) writing....the list goes on
  • Favourite movie: Never one favorite but have many.
  • Favourite band or musician: Switchfoot, Dashboard Confessonial, John Williams, James Newton Howard among many many others
  • Favourite genre of music: As listed above, I am...ecliptic in musical nature and enjoy all sorts. Film score is my love though
  • Favourite artist: James Gurney,author and artist
  • Favourite poet or writer: J.K Rowling Christopher Paolini, Tamera Pierce, William Shakespeare,
  • Favourite photographer: Everyone who has an eye and a heart.
  • Favourite style of art: Photo-manipulation
  • Operating System: Photoshop Elements (yup can't afford a nicer program)
  • MP3 player of choice: Green Ipod Nano
  • Skin of choice: Does anybody know what this means? I mean come on I think I like my skin I'm in.
  • Favourite game: The Longest Journey
  • Personal Quote: "I have a clue, I just don't what it is yet"
  • Tools of the Trade: lots of ice tea

Webcam

Comments


:iconferelwing:
:iconbigheartplz: Thank you so very much for adding my work to your favorites! :blush: I appreciate it! :huggle: Merry Christmas!

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******:floating: Li :floating:*******

****:meditate: *Oogway: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present. ":meditate:***
:icongothicmama:
thanks again for the fav :)

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:iconshandria:
Thank you very much for the fav! :)
I looked through your gallery, you have some very nice pictures in there :)
:iconsisstredaethe:
Thank you so much for supporting my work with :+fav: and I'm really sorry for the late response.

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In Solitarium Infinitum
:iconfilmchild:
No worries at all. :hug:

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Gentleman, I wash my hands of this weirdness. :paranoid:
:iconpassionrayne:
You just gave me my deviant ID :D Oh, and my new main photo for a couple websites... hehe I love you!
:iconfilmchild:
:giggle: Very pleased you like it dear. ;)

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Gentleman, I wash my hands of this weirdness. :paranoid:
:iconkeanetje2:
thanks for the fave :D

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my other deviant: [link]
:iconfilmchild:
Welcome :aww:

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Gentleman, I wash my hands of this weirdness. :paranoid:
:iconr3novatio:
Hey, thank you very much for faving some of my work! :hug:

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"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
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